Dr. Phil a Daughter's Ultimatum: Stop Enabling My Addict Brother or I'm Done With My Family
What Tin can We Do to Help Our Adult, Drug-Addicted Girl?
We have a 30-year-erstwhile girl addicted to drugs and booze. She recently lost custody and is supposed to have supervised visits with her son, who is 7. He lives with his dad who lets him go over there and spend the nighttime even though the courts accept said NO. We no longer accept a relationship with our daughter, we dont aid with anything. She lives in a hire costless flat with her drugie fellow, gets food stamps and doesnt keep a task for more than 2 months at a time if she works at all. We are not enabling her, just the organization is. Why doesnt she have to be drug tested to receive these programs?? I have to, to keep my task, no wonder she doesnt change. What tin can we exercise? she wont go to rehab or get whatsoever help ... we are lost. - Frustrated Male parent
Dear Frustrated Father,
Thank yous for your question. I'grand sad to hear nigh your painful state of affairs. Information technology'due south and so difficult to see someone nosotros beloved self-destructing in their addiction. However, it sounds like you lot have done all you can in not supporting her financially and refusing to enable her in whatsoever mode. I know you take been through a lot already, but I have two suggestions that might help salvage some of the stress you are currently experiencing. Showtime, I highly recommend that your entire family and circle of friends get some support. Addiction has a traumatic effect on anybody in the family unit, even those family members who are not living in the same firm with the person struggling with the addiction. Only being able to "vent" with other people who can chronicle to your situation will provide a groovy deal of relief for yous. Expect for a counselor who is familiar with addiction and/or consider attending al-anon meetings. You will be able to get some applied suggestions, and you volition be able to find emotional back up every bit well, to address that "lost" feeling you refer to. As well with the assist of a counselor, you tin begin to accost whatsoever acrimony, remorse, anxiety or other emotional feelings you are experiencing. This blazon of support will too help regulate your own physical and mental health, which is at greater adventure of dysfunction considering of the stress you are under. To observe a advisor or therapist, brainstorm by contacting the nearest drug/alcohol treatment middle, or infirmary that offers such a programme; these facilities should have social workers who tin offer suggestions. Or maybe you can search for a therapist on this very website.
Secondly, I desire to accost the consequence regarding your grandson. I'thousand concerned that fifty-fifty though the courts have said he tin't visit his mother, his father is disregarding that decision and providing visitation. Someone needs to brand sure the boy is not existence exposed to whatsoever risky or shady situations when staying with mom, especially because that both mom and her boyfriend are actively using. Hopefully mom remains fully cognizant during his visits, and I don't mean to suggest she isn't — just addiction is a wild card, and if the youngster is being exposed to whatever chancy circumstances (i.east., mom and boyfriend are too "high" to watch afterward him while he'southward in that location), then those visits should stop immediately. If you take reasonable suspicion the boy isn't safe, and your son in police refuses to take appropriate action, then you might demand to contact your local child protective services or the courts and inquire almost your options – you can exercise so anonymously in most cases, if only for advisement.
You might also, if you wish, occasionally let your daughter know that information technology's her addiction yous dislike, not the good person underneath, as a reminder that you're willing to reconnect if she seeks help facing her trouble. That is if yous feel comfortable doing so; and it is perfectly understandable if yous do non. It's just that, stressful equally these situations are, coming from a position of love while holding proper boundaries can sometimes break the ice – if, of course, the struggling person truly wants help. I hope your daughter does become help, sooner rather than subsequently. Thanks once again for writing.
Kind regards,
Darren
Darren Haber
Darren Haber, PsyD, MFT is a psychotherapist specializing in treating alcoholism and drug addiction likewise equally co-occurring issues such equally feet, depression, relationship concerns, secondary addictions (particularly sexual activity addiction), and trauma (both unmarried-incident and repetitive). He works in a variety of modalities, primarily cognitive behavioral, spiritual/recovery-based, and psychodynamic. He is certified in eye move desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, and continues to receive psychodynamic grooming in treating relational trauma, including emotional abuse/fail and physical and sexual corruption.
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Source: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/dear-gt/what-can-we-do-to-help-our-adult-drug-addicted-daughter
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